Lately in the vinyasa classes I take, we have been working on Hanumanasana, which is a regular left or right-legged split, as opposed to a split where your legs are in a straddle position. I have never ever been able to do a split, with any leg in any direction. There was a point when I was a kid, that I was pretty close. But still, I was never able to get into the split and then lift my arms up over head.
I have seen some people get into this position pretty easily. It is those bendy types. They’re just born that way I guess. And I have really longed to reach the full expression of the pose as well. I have wanted to feel the freedom of being in my split and reaching my arms up and arching back in a backbend. But I have just never gotten down to the floor all the way. I used to grip blocks on each side of me and then work myself down to the floor, really striving for the split. But it still never happened.
So, I’ve changed my tactic. I now take one block and place it under my pelvis once I have gone down as far as I can. I am then propped up on my prop. Instead of reaching the floor I have brought the floor to me. And it still feels like a stretch, trust me. Now, once I get that prop under me I inhale my arms over head and look back at the wall behind feeling my chest lift and open upwards, sometimes bringing the heels of my palms to rest on my third eye. And the amazing thing is; I feel it! I am in it. I am in the pose, without having reached the floor I get to experience the freedom of the pose. And it feels so good. Why reach the floor first? That may never happen. Why not feel the expansiveness of the pose instead, rather than the struggle? We can get so caught up perfecting the micro that we lose sight of the overall macro experience.
And this was the thought that I could not shake as I was job searching today. When I get concerned about money, all my thoughts go micro. My vision and my focus shrink further and further in. I am plagued by myopia. And the trick is, to solve that quandary, I have to go macro. I have to look at the bigger picture, I have to see the forest through the trees. You cannot find the right job or career if all you are thinking about is paying the bills. You cannot make the right choices if you don’t have the end result in mind. You can’t make a plan, and then half way through start making decisions based on individual cogs in the wheel. Big picture. Big picture. Big picture.
And that means sometimes you will be taking steps before you are “ready”. Some steps are more like leaps. But those leaps are necessary if we are to do something great with our lives. They might feel a little scary and they might even feel like something we shouldn’t do because we didn’t get permission or “perfect” the step before. But we are all capable of so much more. We can feel, and be, and do so much more than we think possible at times.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
– Marianne Williamson